Is August “Be A Jerk On Public Transit Month?”

Because it sure seems like it. Case and Point: The “OWWW THAT HURT!! (and I won’t let it go!)” Lady.

This morning while riding the Metro I had yet another encounter with an asshole (shocking, I know). I was carrying my Huge Commuting Purse™, which if you are a lady you know exactly what I’m talking about, and a bag with my breakfast and lunch. Normally, I like to keep a one bag maximum because it’s just easier, but there just wasn’t enough room in my HCP™.

Anyway, there is a particular stop where literally 80% of the train clears off. This is not my stop. I always brace myself for this because I inevitably have to get up to let someone out and/or move out of the way so the rest of the people on the train can get out. This fine morning, in addition to carrying my two big bags, I also had a delicious cup of cold-brewed iced coffee. (Seriously, cold brew is a game changer) I’m telling you all of this so you know, my hands were full.

As the train pulled in, I stood up to let my seat-mate out while balancing two bags, a cup of coffee, AND trying to hold onto a pole so that when the train stopped I didn’t go flying into some stranger and spill the contents of my bags everywhere. Well, as I’m doing all of this, I step backwards and onto this girl’s foot. Ooops.

“Oh, sorry!” I said.

“OWWW!! THAT REALLY HURT!”

“Yeah I’m really sorry about that”

As I took my seat, I noticed something was… off. This girl not only was hogging a seat (seriously these people are THE WORST– your bag does not need it’s own seat during rush hour), but she was also sitting with her feet and legs out in the aisle like it was her living room. Oh, I’m sorry, how clumsy of me to have stepped on your foot! Too bad I didn’t use these eyes in the back of my head to notice you were sprawled out so comfortably behind me.

Then she proceeded to talk out loud about how much her foot hurt while sitting in the seat directly behind me. It was as if I stomped the yard on her precious tribal print shoe (vom). Sure I could stand to lose 5-10 pounds, but I’m not so grossly overweight that accidentally stepping on her foot (in flats) would cause super intense pain. I really can not stand people that are this passive aggressive. I mean there is passive aggressive and then there is this girl, who probably teaches graduate level courses on the subject.

I turned around and said “Look, I said I was sorry. Twice.”

“Yeah but it hurt!”

[GLARES AT HER]

This girl pushed a button. She flipped The Bitch Switch if you will. At this point, while I was glaring at her, I contemplated many things: manslaughter, assault, battery, assault AND battery, back to manslaughter, getting off at this next stop and switching train cars. I went with the last one because I’ve seen Orange Is The New Black, I am not cut out for prison. Plus, it required more effort than I was willing to put in at such an early hour.

As I’m exiting the train, still glaring at her, I said “Yeah well you really need to get over it.”

HAIRFLIP

Followed by a mental mic drop.

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One thought on “Is August “Be A Jerk On Public Transit Month?”

  1. LOL! Too funny. Me, I’ve been on buses and my backpack is fairly stuffed. I’m in line to board a bus and this girl behind me says in a loud voice “Excuse me! Apparently she stopped short and ran into my backpack. But she was saying it an accusatory manner.

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